I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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