So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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