dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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