The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
