holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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