I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
