just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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