im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
