I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
