just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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