a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
