if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
