had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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