just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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