ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
