just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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