Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
