yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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