I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Michael Bay diarrhea
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
