can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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