You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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