Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
