what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
