Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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