I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
