Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
