Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
