she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
