seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
