This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
