It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
