Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
