if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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