why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
