Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
