dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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