hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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