So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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