There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
