I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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