fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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