bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
