I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
MIDGETS
????
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
