are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She tied me up with her honor cords...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
