Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
