How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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