Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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