They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
