That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
