My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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