i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dicks are not precious.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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