Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
