Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My bed smells like the plague
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
