i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
