I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
