I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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