I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
